hmm... lets see...

Nov. 23, 2004 was quite the good day. Had a wonderful brunch with Sheena, then she did something off the list which was very inspirational. I tried to do something equally as good for my soul, but unfortunately, it did not work out quite as well as i had hoped. oh well.

yesterday wasn't horrible either. ok, well, at first it kinda was. woke up late for my first class, which wasn't so bad as it gave me time to study for a test in my second class. that wasn't too horrible.

then there was work. and for some reason that i can't explain, i was in a bad mood. i was fine up until i parked, then it was WHAM!! bad mood attack!!

but that didn't last for very long. 1/2 hour, hour tops. Fran helped. So did Madeleine (not so sure how to spell her name tho) & Vera.

then i was in a good mood. Such a good mood that me and Karen made fun of Parker almost the whole time!

it was fun. other people came, and that was fun. the three guys left and me and kar talked. and we talked. then karen's customer came in and we talked to him. he's cool.

then we were cleaning. not so fun. grr-ness.

Steve called karen because he wanted a ride to the mall, but karen was going to a concert, so i was all, i'll do it. so i picked up steve and we went to the mall, he bought the game he wanted, we went to Steven Marks' house because thats where the playstation was and we stayed there for maybe an hour or something. could have been more, could have been less. then i took steve home. but instead of him going inside, we stayed in my car, parked in his driveway and talked.

after a while, i decided to turn off my car. and we talked. about everything! like, it was a really good talk. karen came home at some point, but didn't really notice us. soon after, his mom called asking where he was.

'in the driveway.'

"Which/Whose driveway?"

'my driveway.'

then we found out from mom that is was 11:00 pm.

we were both like, WHAT!! How did that Happen!!??

seriously, last time we checked the time, it was 9-10ish. i remember getting to his house at about 830, 845ish. it was close to 9 at least. we had spent about 2 hours talking in my car!!

i had a good time tho. i like steve. i love steve. I can't wait til dec 3 - BLADE TRINITY!! Woop woop!! me and steve and eric are going for sure!! EEEEEEEEE!! so excited!

so, yesterday was a pretty good day. well, at least, the evening part was cool.

i wish i could archive...

i like being free. i think its great. but i have never experienced the feeling of being in love, which is what i would like to feel. i don't want the additions that come with that feeling ie. a boyfriend etc. i just want to know what it feels like because i have never felt it before and i am curious. that's all.

curiosity killed the cat.

its a good thing that i'm not a cat, isn't it?

that's how the saying goes, right? curiosity killed the cat, but (something, i can't remember what) brought her/him/it back.

but, i'd like to thank everyone who commented. i didn't know that so many of you would respond.

then again, its a very... something topic, isn't it? love? being in love? being loved, etc?.

i wonder why so many people have so many opinions on it. not that i'm complaining or anything. but why is love such a widely discussed topic? why are there so many variations of it? why am i still talking about it?

i'm not sure.

anyhoo... some of you may have gotten confused about my 'new boyfriend' statement. which, after reading my post, i can see why. when i said i found a new boyfriend, i meant, a new movie/actor boyfriend.

like i was saying in that last post, and this one as well, i don't want a boyfriend/relationship.

like sheena said, being free is nice. its so great. those of you who have a relationship, good for you. i'm happy for you, if you are happy.

right now in my life, i'd rather be single. i'm happier that way.

but, i've got many things to do. like that poet said...

"I have miles to go before I sleep".

right sheena?

i want to know what being in love feels like. or at least what i think being in love should feel like. but i know its not possible.

you might ask why.

well... because for a couple of reasons. i'm a very contradictory person. i want to know what being in love feels like, but i don't want to be in love. i don't want a relationship. and i don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't love me back, because it would hurt. also... i'm not sure if i could. fall in love i mean.

there are those of you who think that i could fall in love. you think that on the outside, i'm a bitch, and you're right. but on the inside i'm a good person. (for those of you who haven't gotten to see that side of me, you don't deserve to.) and that i can and will fall in love.

but i don't let people in. some of you, yes, you can see the good in me and think that i can let people in. but i don't, not a lot of people. those select few are important. but i keep people at a distance. they may be my friends, and i may love them, but i won't let them get too close. i've realized that, and yet i don't do anything about it.

and maybe i don't want to change. perhaps i should, but i don't know if i want to.

it's weird, isn't it? to want to feel what its like to be in love with someone, like IN LOVE with someone, not just love them, but at the same time, not be in love with someone at all?

i just want to know what it feels like. i don't want someone to be in love with. i just want the feeling. just to know what it feels like.

i've never experienced it before. i haven't experienced a lot of things.

i have some things to do. i have many things to do, actually.

you might wonder what brought this on...

a movie. which isn't unusual.

i watched Crazy/Beautiful last night, and it got me thinking (plus, i found a new boyfriend as well.) but still, i started wondering what it felt like to be in love.

i don't know if i'm happy, or even content or satisfied. I think i'm satisfied. but there are things i have to do to make me content.

as for happy... i can be cheerful and stuff... but happiness? maybe... yes. yes, i can be happy. i am happy. but in a way i'm not.

there are levels of happy. i'm happy when i'm with my family, no matter how much they drive me crazy. i'm happy with my friends. i'm happy when i'm alone. but am i happy with life? that's a different question all together.

there are things that i have to do.

then we'll see...

I have a question...

would you take johnny back if he left with judy wearing his ring at your Birthday party? i mean, seriously...

it was Your Party!! and he left with Judy!!

JUDY!!

plus, she was wearing his ring!! His RING!! Did YOU get to wear his ring? no? OH! WELL THEN!!

johnny's a bastard, if you ask me. what an ass, breaking up with you at your own party, making it known that he chose judy over you, giving her his ring and everything.

then judy, she cries even though she cheated on him cuz he broke up with her!! But he cheated on YOU!! and you took him back!! and you knew he cheated!

its a twisted cycle. he cheats on you, probably with her, he breaks up with you at your birthday party, gives her his ring, leaves with her, she cheats on him, he breaks up with her, he gets back together with you...

its all very complicated and not complicated at the same time.

if you haven't guessed, i've been listening to leslie/lesley gore songs... 'its my party' 'judy's turn to cry' 'she's a fool' 'maybe i know'.

sometimes i get ranty about certain songs when i listen to them. like, REALLY listen to them. i know i ranted about a Les Miz song.

stupid marius. fuck i hate him. he's all, 'wow eponine, that girl is really pretty. i wanna meet her', so what does eponine do? she sets up a meet.

then eponine's father tries to break in cosette's home while she and marius are talking, and eponine saves the day by screaming out.

Then! then she DIES when returning back to marius after being his MESSENGER GIRL by running a letter to cosette!! and then he's all 'gosh eponine, i'm sad you're dying, but i hope cosette's ok'.

what the fuck is wrong with you? i hate you you stupid fucker. i mean, i don't like what eponine is doing for him and all, but she certainly kicks more ass than stupid cosette! cosette doesn't DO anything!! she's boring!!! no offense to those who like cosette, but still... eponine will always be my favorite! always.

stupid marius. i hope you get penis diseases... and i hope cosette dies a slow horrible death.

man, i'm mean. oh well. c'est la vie!

Man, Jem is sooooooooo right. Love's not easy. but she's right on a lot of things. I believe in happy endings, music is magic, It depends on the mood i'm in, She's got the power, Time is running out.

man, i need a credit card so i can buy Jem & the Holograms.

However, The Misfits had it right too. I am a giant. Get outta my way. they were pretty cool too. even tho they were the bad guys.

i miss Jem. What ever happened to the good cartoons? Classics I mean. Alvin and the Chimpmunks, Jem and the Holograms, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. and not this crappy new version of the turtles where they're each a slightly different shade of green with weird techno things and April being some sort of scientist!! What happend to Channel 3 news? and her yellow jumpsuit!!??

Where did all the good cartoons go??

ok... i think i'm done.

like madonna says - Express yourself, don't repress yourself!

Hey! You know what's sooooooo cool!!??

There are people I know that like anime!!

Today, me and Michelle were talking about CCS, and Digimon, and Escaflowne, and all sorts of stuff!! and then later, Shar came over and we found out that she watched them too!!! How crazy is that!! and Michelle was nice enough to lend me some CCS eps that she has - IN JAPANESE!! so its not all edited and crap!! How excited am i??

OH SO EXCITED!!

plus, she has the Digimon Movie, which i saw in grade 8 in the theater with Karen, Jiuna and Kevin. We were the only teens in there i think. The rest of the ppl in the theater were little kids, and parents.

And Shar and Michelle both are MAD at the fact that SORA and MATT got together, NOT TAI AND SORA.

oh, that made me soooooo angry. cuz they SO teased us in the first season AND in the movie!! but no, matt and sora got together.

whatever. i know the truth.

but yah. i'm in class right now and i should be doing work, but whatever. i think i'm gonna leave soon anyhoo.

whatever.

k, bye.